War of the Squirrels

Ever since we landscaped our front and backyard 4 years ago we’ve been warring with the squirrels and occasionally other creatures that frequent our yard. This year, for some reason the battle has escalated.

The squirrels have been digging in the yard this year more than ever. It’s been a constant war with them. My husband and I try to run out and scare them away whenever we see them.

I thought I might be safe in the last few days. You see, it was cold and rainy all weekend.

A few birds used our feeders when the rain let up, but I didn’t really see any squirrels, and when I did, they weren’t causing enough trouble for me to go out and run at them. Yesterday wasn’t rainy but it was cool and windy. I had no desire to go outside and the few times I looked out the back I didn’t see any squirrels.

Well, I wasn’t safe. They knew I had let my guard down and they ATTACKED.

Stupid, stupid squirrels! It was a nice day today. The sun was shining, it was warm out and I thought I’d stroll through my garden. What’s this, dug up earth, holes- everywhere! Plants pulled out of the ground, most often bulbs with growth on top. Tulip buds half eaten.

Never has my garden undergone so much damage in just one day. Well at least I think most of the damage was done yesterday and perhaps this morning. I have at least 2000 bulbs in my front and back garden, so when I think about it and realize that only 30 or so plants were trampled, munched on or dug up I suppose that’s not that bad, but I still say this means WAR.

We have a super soaker. We’ve been using it since the end of March or so to scare off birds we don’t like- Pigeons! and of course the squirrels.

When we see an animal in the back yard, eating out of the bird feeders when they shouldn’t (pigeons), jumping from object to object to get to a bird feeder- one is squirrel proof but still gets attacked and then hanging upside down to eat out of the food receptical area which is not all the squirrel proof we open our back door quietly and try to sneak out.

Our back porch is enclosed. That’s where we keep our secret weapon. The super soaker gun is always full. We quietly pick it up and then unlock the back porch door as quietly as possible. Of course this door makes some noise so we have to be ready with the soaker as soon as the door is open far enough for us to pop out. Then we aim and fire!

The pigeons are starting to fly away as soon as they see the gun. The squirrels only run a little bit away from the feeder. So we have to run down the steps and run at them squirting them with the soaker until they high tail it out of our yard. Remember I’m a klutz too so I’m probably risking personal injury when I do this, but it’s so satisfying to see them run like mad.

It’s kind of fun. The stealth and then the Rambo style attack we pull on the squirrels. Our soaker only shoots about 50 to 75 feet, depending upon how full it is. I think we’re ready for one of those big super soaker guns. The kind that hold several liters (a gallon or more) of water, and come with a shoulder strap because they are so heavy. Those ones can really shoot! I want me one of those there guns.

I’m not even going to get started on my hate of pigeons. That all started back when we lived in an apartment and they took over our balcony. That’s a story for another day. I will however mention that our neighbors- ones I haven’t mentioned much as of yet (they are the karaoke neighbors from hell that live on the other side of our semi-detached, more on them later!) – have PET pigeons! They’ve had them for a few years and took care of them well up until this year. Their pigeons never came to our feeders before but now they are there now too! I do not spare them when I aim my super soaker. They are fair game if they are in my yard. Stupid pigeons. Stupid squirrels.

Does anyone have a suggestion on what kind of big ass mother of a super soaker gun we could get? Brand names? reliability? Durability? Not too expensive, though, after all we are mostly only using this to scare off animal pests, but I’m sure we’ll use them to get each other at some point too!