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You are here: Home / Archives for Health Fitness and Beauty / Chronic Pain

Steamrolled

June 30, 2006 by Tricia

Tired Kitty Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be run over by a steamroller? Just asking ’cause I think I might know the answer to that one.

I think I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better. Unfortunately I don’t feel anywhere near as well as I should be, but I’m better than I was on Tuesday or Wednesday.

You might remember that on Sunday I spent the day preparing to have some lovely tests at the hospital on Monday. Yes, it was time for yet another specialist to have a look at my insides by way of a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. I’ve had far too many of these tests over the past decade and while they aren’t all the pleasant, they usually go well enough, and I manage to get through them ok.

These days my abdomen hurts all the time. So when I have these tests, between the preparation stuff that I have to drink and going through the procedures I tend to not feel all that great for a few days after the deed is done.

This time was very different though. I didn’t sleep much on Sunday night and I woke up early on Monday morning feeling light headed, drugged and very nauseated. The drive to the hospital was terrible. I stared straight ahead not daring to turn my head or look around because I was fairly sure I would have ended up being sick. I’ve never felt that bad prior the test before. Usually I’m a bit light headed due to hunger and perhaps partial dehydration, but never nauseated.

We got to the hospital and got me registered in the admitting area. I had been told to arrive by 7 a.m. but the endoscopy area wasn’t set to open until 7:30 am. Great, feeling this bad, and I have to wait an extra half an hour before I can lie down? When I finally got into the area the first thing I told anyone that needed to talk to me was that I was nauseated.

I’m not usually one to open up and say how I’m feeling, even to medical personnel. It’s usually – “How are you today” answered with the standard “I’m fine”. Even if I’m not. This time around however my answer was definitely “I’m nauseated and I’ve never been nauseated before the test.” Perhaps they thought I would feel better once I was sedated because they never did give me anything for my nausea.

I changed from my clothes into the fancy blue gown and faded cotton house coat they provided and I was eventually led into the recovery room where I sat with a nurse going over my medical history and getting my vitals taken. Then I had an I.V. inserted into my arm. The nurse saw that I was very dehydrated – again, a first, as my vein are usually large and popping off the surface of my hands and arms, so she set me up with some I.V. fluids to help rehydrate me.

When it was time for my procedures I was wheeled into one of the surgical rooms on my stretcher. There was a nurse inside the room who got me ready for the test and shortly after my arrival the doctor came in and gave me some sedation. I did tell both of them again that I was nauseated but it was as if they weren’t listening.

As I said earlier I’ve had a lot of these tests over the years and most of them have been under sedation. A little versed and often either Demerol or fentanyl to top it off. When I’ve been sedated I’ve never been so out of it that I can’t remember parts of the procedure- often much to my dismay. The procedures have a dream like quality when sedated, often more nightmare than good dream. The last two tests that I had were at the hospital where I work and much to my surprise I was actually put to sleep for those ones with a general anesthetic. In my opinion, that’s the best way to go, because if you are only sedated and not very out of it the procedure is more than a little barbaric.

Unfortunately I remember far too much of what went on early Monday morning. They have to put air in your intestines when they do these procedures so that they can see what they are doing. That hurts. Now, before I scare anyone who hasn’t had this procedure – and almost everyone will end up getting it done at least once in their lifetime – I must say that if you have healthy intestines it isn’t that bad. It’s uncomfortable but not that bad and the sedation covers most of it for you. When I first started having to get these tests done my insides were in better shape and the tests didn’t hurt as much as they do now that my insides are all inflamed and swollen.

Remember, these tests are often done on fairly healthy individuals as a screening method for colirectal cancer, among the tests’ other slightly less common reasons for being performed. If you need to have one of these tests done as a screening method for cancer please don’t let what I’ve said keep you from doing it. One day of preparation, and a hour or two of discomfort is far better than ending up with cancer and possibly dying.

Back to me. Yes, I felt the colonoscopy. I was a bit out of it from the sedation and my weakened state of being but I remember moaning in pain for several portions of the procedure. When that was done they prepared me for the gastroscopy which is a tube with a camera on it that goes down your throat and into your stomach and the beginning of the small intestine.

They froze the back of my throat with a spray, and then I had to bite down on a hollow blue form that kept my mouth open. They then started putting the tube down my throat. Now usually this test isn’t that bad, especially if you are out of it. The gagging parts when the tube is being inserted isn’t wonderful but it’s generally not a painful procedure. This time round however I was nauseated and once that tube started going down my throat and I started gagging I started to be sick. I kept being sick throughout the whole procedure. It was absolutely horrible. I don’t know why they continued. They should have stopped, given me something for the nausea, which when combined with the sedation that I already had on board would have likely put me out and then proceeded with the scope.

When that test was finally over I was taken back into the recovery room where I snoozed on and off for an hour or so. My abdomen was very sore but that was to be expected since they had put air into my intestines. What goes in must come out as the saying goes, and I knew that once some of that air came out I’d be feeling better.

Chris brought me home and I lay down on the couch to watch some TV and hope that the air they put in me would escape soon enough. My abdomen was becoming increasingly painful and while I had been passing some of that air I thought I still must have some trapped inside. I eventually fell asleep on the couch and woke up around 1:30 pm in extreme pain.

I could barely move. I was thinking that I still must have some air inside even though I had thought prior to falling asleep on the couch that the majority of it was gone. I painfully shifted position hoping that something would move. The procedure was at 8 am … I should have felt pretty much normal again by now.

The day crept by very slowly. I was in extreme pain and by 5:30 – 8 hours after the procedure I was beginning to think about going to my hospitals emergency department. I should have, since after listening to my own belly with my stethescope I knew that I barely had any bowel sounds and that I must be obstructed. Still, I didn’t want to go. I knew I’d end up with a tube down my nose (a nasal gastric tube) to help relieve the pressure in my abdomen. More tubes in my body was the last thing that I wanted.

By 11 pm my abdomen was starting to make sounds again. Too many sounds … now It was hyperactive bowel sounds which again often occurs during a blockage. But I felt a bit better. I know from having blockages in the past that when my tum finally starts to get noisy again that it’s beginning to resolve itself.

It was a long mostly sleepless night. When I got up in the morning my abdomen was very stiff and I was still walking hunched over. The night before when I did get up to move around I could barely move – Chris had to help me get up each time, and to go upstairs to where our bathroom is, I had to pretty much crawl up the stairs.

Have I ever told you how stubborn I am? Clearly I should have gone to the hospital.

Tuesday morning was a different story. I felt much better than I had the day before but still about 200 times worse than I should have felt. I called the specialists office to let them know how bad I was feeling and got the standard answer that If I was feeling bad I should go to my closest ER. I decided to call my family doctor and get an appointment with her as I knew she’d send me for an abdominal xray.

I went to my own hospital with the xray requisition that my doctor had given me. I knew that if the xray techs saw anything suspicious they would send me to the emergency department, and they did of course. Several hours later and after seeing my usual gastrointernologist there I was told I had what appeared to be a resolving bowel obstruction. I could stay in the hospital or go home. If I stayed I would be given IV fluids and monitored by the nurses and my doctor. If I went home I would take fluids by mouth and be monitored by me. Since there was no particular benefit to being in the hospital, and also since I only live a few blocks from the place, I chose to go home.

They wouldn’t have let just anybody leave, but being a nurse they knew I was more aware of what was happening to my body than the average Joe and that I would pick up on any adverse symptoms and get myself back there. Hmm were they listening to me when I told them about Monday night and how I didn’t show up at the hospital when I should have? Guess not.

Each day is a little bit better than the one before, but I’m still no where near as good as I should be. I’m still one aching mess. Tomorrow is Canada day and I hope that I’m feeling well enough to at least go out and watch the firework display.





Filed Under: Chronic Pain, Health Fitness and Beauty, Inflammatory bowel disease Tagged With: crohns, Health and Fitness, Health Fitness and Beauty, Hospital, IBD, Inflammatory bowel disease, medical tests, nurse, obsctruction, pain, scope, symptoms, test, tired

Sqeaky Clean Golden Girl

June 26, 2006 by Tricia

Well now I finally understand why I hate citrus flavored drinks. Bleh!

Last week I managed to get an early appointment with the specialist I’ve been waiting to see about my tummy troubles. The appointment went very well! I was quite pleased with how seriously they were taking my situation. I left there with appointments to be made for a special abdominal Cat-Scan, and for an MRI.

Oh yes, I also had to have a ton of blood work done while I was at the hospital. Nice 4 inch bruise on my arm now. It’s black! Plus, as a special treat, I had to have my eyeballs xrayed. Yes you read that correctly. My eyeballs.

Why you ask? Well, I used to be a jeweller. No, not the kind that stands behind the spotless glass counter and sells you expensive jewels. Nope, I was the one who actually made those precious designs. I used to be a diamond cutter (among other things that I did when I was a jeweller). No, I didn’t cut diamonds – I used a diamond on a “Diamond Cutting Machine” to cut designs into gold rings, bracelets, bangles, well – just about anything that is considered jewelery. Whichever diamond I was using spun around at 35,000 rotations per minute. Gold flew everywhere.

Flecks of gold in my hair, on my clothes … embedded in my clothing to tell the truth, on my face and about once every three or four weeks a splinter of gold would find it’s way past my safety goggles and stick into my eyeball. Ow! I can still feel how much that hurt. I’d leave my office and stumble down the buildings stairs to the optometrist that happened to work a few floors down. The receptionist would just say “Again?” and put me in a room to have the good doctor remove the gold from my eye.

Now I really doubt that I still have any gold embedded in my eyeballs, but since I’m going to have an MRI at some undetermined date in the future I had to have my eyes xrayed to make sure. My eyes could explode or something during the test if I do have any metal in them. Interesting yes – but probably not fun.

Wow, when I go off on a tangent, I really go off on a tangent don’t I?

To get us back on track. I hate citrus flavored drinks and I know why. Yep! It has to do with the only scheduled appointment that I left the doctors office with that day. Uh huh. Yep. That’s right- that nasty test. A colonoscopy and gastroscopy.

Ok, those tests really aren’t that nasty. The last few that I’ve had done (last time was January!) I was actually put to sleep. Man that was nice. I’ve done a gastroscopy (tube down throat into stomach) without any sedation in the past thought and that was not pleasant. I highly recommend sedation.

It’s preparing for the test the day before that’s so bad. My appointment was scheduled for September. Now, when you are in a lot of pain and haven’t been able to work for almost eight months, waiting two plus more months for a test that might finally help the doctors get to the bottom of things (pun intended) is a long time. On top of that, the test was scheduled for the day after my birthday!

That would mean I’d have to prepare for the test on my birthday! Ah, no way! My birthday isn’t a big deal, but to have to go through that on my special day, uh huh. I accepted the appointment but asked if they could put me on a cancellation list.

Just my luck, they called me on Thursday and told me that they had a cancellation for Monday at 7 a.m. Boy am I lucky!

Have you figured out why I hate citrus drinks yet? For those that are not in “the know” I’ll tell you why. It’s because the drinks that they make you take the day before your test are citrus flavored. Yeah, the drinks that clean you out. I’m not even going to get into that … let’s just say I’m squeaky clean inside and out right now with 5 hours to go before my test.

It’s bad enough what the drinks do to you. For me it’s particularly bad because I already have abdominal pain. The cramping from the drinks almost made me pass out a few times. But why on earth can’t the drinks come in different flavors? Maybe a chocolate or berry flavored one wouldn’t be so bad?

The clean out stuff that I had to drink on Sunday was very very lemony. So lemony that it seemed like I was sucking on a lemon. I shivered every time I swallowed a sip. Yuck and double yuck.

Wish me luck!

_______________________________

Click and Comment Monday:

It’s that time again when we spread the love and hop from one site to another leaving comments like presents along the way. If you are a participant please start by visiting my renter – The write Jerry – and then go on to visit his renter, and so on and so on. Visit at least five sites in this manner.

Leave a link if you are participating in Click and Comment Monday. (non-participants links will be removed.)

Filed Under: Chronic Pain, Health Fitness and Beauty, Inflammatory bowel disease, Jeweller/Jewellery, Nursing, Services, Shopping Tagged With: appointment, comment, crohns, design, doctor, Hospital, IBD, ill, Inflammatory bowel disease, jeweller, Jeweller Jewellery, jewellery, manage, pain, sleep, stomach, test

You give me Fever

June 3, 2006 by Tricia

I’m conducting an experiment.

I put an egg on my forehead and I’m waiting to see how long it takes to cook.


Obviously I have a massive fever, and, maybe I’m a little bit delirious. I don’t know. How do you know if you’re delirious anyway? I just wanted to see if that old saying was true “your so hot I could fry an egg on your forehead”.

So far it seems to be working. The egg is starting to bubble a little bit on the edges, but it’s still runny. This may take a while.

I stayed up all night. Too much pain. Too hot. Too cold. Shivers and chills. Took too much pain medication. I didn’t get any sleep until 10 a.m. No wonder I still feel so bad huh? Guess I won’t be picking a domain name for my new site today. hmmm maybe when I do pick a domain I should call it “feverish thoughts”? Got any more ideas? Remember I started a contest a week ago and it’s still going visit “Name the domain” to enter.

Looks like that egg is almost done. No I’m not going to eat it. I don’t like eggs. Maybe my husbands hungry?

Where’s the bacon?

Filed Under: Chronic Pain, Health Fitness and Beauty, Inflammatory bowel disease Tagged With: crohns, fever, Feverish Thoughts, fried eggs, Health and Fitness, Health Fitness and Beauty, hot, husband, IBD, idea, Inflammatory bowel disease, pain, pain medication

Evil Thoughts

May 28, 2006 by Tricia

I’m dragging my feet about posting these days. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to write about, it’s just that a few things have happened this week that made me feel a bit down.


Mostly it was my visit to my family dr. that got me down. She promised me that she was going to get me back on some of my crohn’s meds if I continued to get worse and AGAIN she decided against it and wants to experiment with some herbal mixtures. I can officially say that I’m fed up with every single one of my doctors now. I can’t get better and get back to work if I’m not being cared for properly, and I’m starting to go just a bit stir crazy sitting at home.

Anyway, enough of my grumbling. Since I’ve been feeling more than a little bit evil this week it seemed like the perfect time to take the “How evil Are you” quiz:


You Are 38% Evil


A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
How Evil Are You?

It turns out that I’m not as evil as I thought I was, but looking at the questions and having answered yes to most of the top 4 paragraphs I was starting to think the quiz was going to say I was 80% evil or something.

I found the questions very revealing in some ways.

Yes I do have vengeful feelings. I have broken the law in minor ways in the past, I’ve looked at nudie pics on line – can’t help it when you come across them accidentally can you? That I’ve lingered over a few of them wasn’t asked but to be honest, yes I have.

I’ve wished people harm but I’ve never acted on those feelings. I believe in fate and Karma and the people that have hurt me will probably get theirs eventually. I don’t hate kids or harbor secret desires to be mean just for the fun of it. I would never pick on someone with disabilities.

I do however have a lot of trouble tolerating blatantly stupid people or people who act weak but can and should be doing something for themselves to change the situation they’ve got themselves into.

I already know that I would give my life if I had to in order to save many others. In fact, thanks to SARS (severe acute respiratory syndrome) hitting Toronto in 2003 and working as a nurse in the midst of this terrible infectious disorder, I knew I was potentially risking my own life by continuing to work in the emergency department. However, if I, and others like me, weren’t working to help stop the spread of SARS it would have infected and killed many more people than it actually did.

I’ve never spit in someones drink, but I must admit that I’ve felt like it. I have blamed a fart or two on other people. Who hasn’t?

I have kissed people that I shouldn’t be kissing, particularly when I was just sweet 16. That is a story for another day though.

How about you? Did you take the “how evil are you test”? Did it make you think about things a little bit when you saw the quiz questions?

Are you a vengeful person? Have you taken revenge on someone? Or would you never dream of having an evil thought or doing something that might be considered mean no matter how deserving a person might be? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Filed Under: Chronic Pain, Entertainment, General Musings, Health Fitness and Beauty Tagged With: accident, blog, Chronic Pain, crohn, crohns, doctor, Entertainment, Evil, evil thoughts, Family, General Musings, hate, Health and Fitness, Health Fitness and Beauty, home, IBD, ill, Inflammatory bowel disease, mean, nurse, pain, post, revenge, stupid, Toronto, work

To have and to hold?

May 19, 2006 by Tricia

This is Part III and the final conclusion in a series. If you haven’t read the first two sections please go to:
Part I “Mother’s Day – A love Story”
Part II “A happy childhood and kids of my own someday”

I couldn’t believe my ears. My husband and I had been together for close to 10 years by this time, and married for close to 7. What did he say? He doesn’t want children?


He’s always been afraid of young children and babies. During a family gathering when he was a rambunctious child he did a cartwheel over his baby cousin and landed on the baby. He says he got the beating of his life for that, although his family says he did not and that the baby was unhurt by the incident. Either way, I believe this is the incident in his life that has made him fearful of young children and ultimately of having children of his own.

He also told me at that time, during that very hurtful conversation, that I was all he wanted. I think he’s afraid that our relationship will change if we have children. I also know that he’s very much afraid that being pregnant and or caring for a child will make my health issues worsen.

We went through a very bad time in our relationship as a result of his revelation. I loved him but I wanted him and so much more. I wanted to find out what our children would look like and what their personalities would be. Would they be tall like me, or short like him? Would they have his blue eyes or my hazel eyes? Would they be funny? Musical? Artistic? Happy, serious or easy going? Would I have twins like my sister, and like almost every other female member of my family before me?

He wanted me and only me. He loves me more than anything in this world. He treats me like princess. If I said I was spoiled by my family as a child it is nothing like I have been spoiled as his wife. Almost all of my wants and desires are fulfilled, provided we can afford what I want that is! We are best friends and always will be.

I was hurt for a long time. Many of my friends told me to just go ahead and get pregnant. What could he do about it? No, sorry, I couldn’t do that to him. I respect him, I can’t lie to him.

Eventually we started talking about having kids again. I explained to him, that without us trying to have children, and without him actually wanting us to have kids, I would probably develop more and more of a grudge against him as time went on. That almost perfect relationship that we had would be ruined. I can’t bear to not try, and then end up in my 50’s unable to have children and sit and look at him and resent him for not allowing me to fulfill one of my greatest desires when, by that time, it would be too late.

Around the same time that he had suddenly decided that he didn’t want children he’d been talking with friends and family that had kids. His younger sister was going through a lot of trouble with her oldest child. My sister was having trouble with her twins. Other friends told him that if they could go back they would never have had children. They had no life, no time to themselves. They wished they were like us, able to do what we wanted, able to spend money on ourselves if we chose to pamper ourselves.

My husband can sometimes be easily influenced by the words of others, and I think that was part of what was happening around the time that I really started pushing for a child or to adopt if we continued to be unsuccessful. I never pushed that hard. I always new he had fears of becoming a father. However by the time I reached 35 I knew that we had to get start getting serious about having a child if we were going to have one.

I also didn’t want to end up having a child in my mid 40’s as my parents did. Oh yes, I did have a happy childhood and loving parents, but by the time I turned 12 I also feared that my parents wouldn’t live to see my married, to see me have a child, a house or just to be there for me as I grew older and needed their advice and support. I was more aware of life and death and of how precious time was as a teenager than I should have been. I didn’t want my own child to grow up with those fears, to start to wonder as they approached 30 if their parents would be around when they were 35 or 40.

Last September I had to have some surgery to find out if I had endometriosis. My doctors wanted to rule out any “female” complaints related to my relentless abdominal pain. It turned out that I did indeed have endometriosis. Only a small amount, and no where near my bowels so it was ruled out as a major source of pain, although it did contribute to some of my pain. At that time I was offered medications that would reduce the chances of the endometriosis coming back for a while. Unfortunately these medications, depending which ones are used, can make it difficult or even impossible to become pregnant.

It was apparent last fall that I needed to settle this issue that we were having regarding having children. I explained about the medications, and how I would regret not trying. He admitted that he was less fearful of having a child now, but still worried about my health. I told him that if I do have Crohns the disease might calm down during the pregnancy and I might even get better for a while. Although I’ve also read about crohns people having terrible pregnancies, and or having the disease come back with a vengeance shortly after the birth. I’m willing to take that chance.

Chris has also decided that he would like to try to have kids. He’s still worried about becoming a father, but he’s willing to try. I know he’ll make a good father if we are successful. He’s sweet and loving. If he thought I was enough for him, I just know that if we do manage to have a child his love will expand and he’ll wonder how he existed with only me to love. He’s just that kind of person.

I’m 40 now, which kind of sucks, but it’s not that bad. Due to my health I still don’t know if our efforts will result in failure, but if we try, at least I won’t go into menopause holding a huge grudge against my husband. Although we should have not had the almost 5 year delay that we’ve gone through. I’ve had 4 miscarriages in my life and I’ll assume that there could easily be more.

Unfortunately for Chris, if we are successful the chance of my having twins has probably quadrupled what with my age and family history of twins. Poor guy!

I’m sure there are some people reading this that might think I’m forcing the issue of having a child with my husband. I am not. I’ve waited almost 5 years from the time that he told me, 6 years into our marriage, that he didn’t want children. During that time I’ve been quite hurt. When he told me that he didn’t want children I was stunned and I told him that I probably wouldn’t have ever married him if I’d known that. That’s how important this issue is to me. But I didn’t lie to him, I didn’t deceive him and “accidentally” get pregnant. I waited, and I talked to him and eventually he changed his mind. I just hope it’s not too late.

Perhaps I will be a mother by the time the next Mothers day rolls around. If I am I won’t have people looking apologetically at me after they say “Happy Mothers day” and then realize that I don’t have kids, just as my neighbors daughter in law did to me last Sunday.

Perhaps Mothers day will become a little less sad for me. I’ll still be missing my own lovely mother, that loss will never go away, but if I’m lucky my heart will be less sad and more joyful.

Filed Under: Chronic Pain, Family, Health Fitness and Beauty, Home and Lifestyle, Inflammatory bowel disease, Life with Chris Tagged With: adoption, baby, children, Chris, Chronic Pain, crohn, crohns, doctor, Family, Health and Fitness, Health Fitness and Beauty, Home and Lifestyle, house, husband, IBD, Inflammatory bowel disease, Life with Chris, medication, miscarriage, Money, neighbor, neighbors, pain, pregnancy, sister, support

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