Happy Childhood and kids of my own someday?

I suppose it’s time I write my follow up to Mother’s Day – A love Story.

I had a very happy childhood. Yes, there are things I could complain about, but compared to many other peoples childhood horror stories, my life was perfect.

I had loving parents that provide a stable home life – a roof over our heads, plenty of love and care, and there was nothing that I needed that I lacked.

Yes, they did deny me some of the things that I wanted, but I believe that was good parenting. They taught me to respect what I had, and to earn what I wanted.

I also had three older brothers and an older sister to care for me and spend time with me.

I don’t remember much about my oldest brother. He was after all nearly 20 when I was born and moved out of the house within a year or two. Our relationship has never been all that close and that’s likely because of the major difference in our ages and the fact that he wasn’t around that much while I was growing up.

My second oldest brother was great. I can remember him taking me skating, skiing, playing golf (well, I sort of caddied for him when he played golf with his friends), hiking, canoeing, tobogganing.

We did all the fun sporty stuff together. I saw him repeat the same things with his own children. Always being a big part of their lives. In fact he was the first of my siblings to become a father.

My youngest, but still much older brother, is the most like me.

We just seem to think alike.

It was always easy to be around him and have fun with him and it still is. I think all my siblings feel the same way about him, as he’s just a great guy.

My sister wanted a baby sister so badly that while my mom was pregnant she told everyone that she wanted a brother. She says now that you never get what you wish for and that’s why she wished for a boy. I guess she was right because I most certainly am a girl!

My parent either felt that I was going to be a boy or that my sister was a handful and they wanted the new baby to be a boy, because they had a boy name picked out for me. Luckily both of my names easily converted into a female name.

By the time I was nine all my siblings had moved out of the house. That was a strange feeling. I’d come from a relatively large family and now it seemed like I was an only child. To say I was spoiled would not be an understatement. However I did know that I was spoiled to some degree. I also knew what sacrifices my parents had made to scrimp and save to get to the position of financial security that they were now enjoying. As I said earlier, I had everything I needed – but my parents didn’t let me get away with too much on my wants. Still, compared to how my siblings were raised – passing down clothing from one to the other, various meals made with hamburger (whereas I usually had steak), they considered me spoiled.

As the youngest, with so much older brothers and a sister, I got to observe many of the pro’s and con’s of life through their mistakes and successes. Luckily my siblings did well for themselves and their families and there were few terrible mistakes along the way. I got to see how they reacted to parenthood and marriage, how they raised their children, and along the way I developed a strong desire to have my own children one day.

I had hoped to start a family by the time I was 25 years old or so. That didn’t happen. I wasn’t even married by that time, but I was with the man who did become my husband a couple years short of my goal. I just knew I would make a good mother, after all I’d seen all of the successful things that my siblings and my friends by this time, had done right and unfortunately some of the things that had gone wrong. I wouldn’t make the mistakes that I had seen and I would hope to be as successful in bringing up a child or two as say my brother had been.

Maybe I’ve been too sure of myself, so sure I’d make a good parent. Maybe I jinxed myself. Why? Well, this is the other reason why mothers day makes me sad. I am still not a mother.

I’ve had four pregnancies. One occurred when I was only 19 years old. Oops! But all have ended in miscarriage. I think I’ve had trouble having a successful pregnancy due to my health problems. Both thyroid disease and inflammatory bowel disease can mess up your system and make it harder to become pregnant and or maintain a pregnancy. I had a pre-cancerous tumor on my thyroid when I was 21, and now as a result of surgery have very little thyroid left and have to take synthetic thyroid hormones. The dr.’s also believe that I have Crohn’s disease but have yet to fully diagnose this disorder. Crohn’s affects your digestive system and amongst other complications it can make you not absorb nutrients properly. As a result my folic acid levels are often low, and unfortunately folic acid is very important towards maintaining a pregnancy and in having a healthy baby.

All that is bad enough, but, I happened to have married a man to whom I thought wanted children as much as I did. When I was 35 and we weren’t having much success I brought up the subject of possibly adopting a child. To my surprise and horror he ended up telling me at that time that he really didn’t want children.

To be continued, come back for part III tomorrow …