Tricia's Musings

Random Thoughts about life in general, living in the big city of Toronto



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Archives for February 2006

Ode to Pain

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The pain won’t stop.
It stabs at me, and stabs at me continuously.
I can’t eat much for fear of the pain.
The pain is only dulled when I’m empty.
It has raged inside me for a year and a half.
It has ebbed and flowed through the months.
Like a thunder storm crashing,
and screaming within me,
The pain lives in my center
and speaks when it chooses
This terrible intense sensation owns me
It is the master and I the slave
When will it stop
Please stop, please stop
I have no choice,
all I hear is it’s voice
Twisting, gnarled, growling

I must take the potion
so long denied by the higher powers,
Only granted so recently
How cruel those professors of anatomy
If they lived with this raging demon of pain
they too would beg for a potion to dull it’s roar
The elixir does not quiet the voice of pain
it still whispers in my core
only dulled for a short passage of time
how I long for when the pain is no more





Nocturnal Musings

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It seems that all my posts have been in the middle of the night or early morning lately. So why stop now I ask? Actually I don’t know why I’m up so late lately. It’s not like I have trouble sleeping. It just seems my whole internal clock has flipped on it’s side.

Things I’ve noticed in the night:

1. My husband snores. REALLY bad. It’s not like I didn’t know he snored, heck we’ve been married for 12 years and I know all his bad habits, but I didn’t realize just how loud his snoring was until I became nocturnal. I can hear him from the living room! It’s a deep rumble- like a train running through our house. Maybe that’s the real reason I haven’t been sleeping lately?

2. Raccoon and stray cats really love our yard. We have security lights in our drive way and at our back porch so whenever an animal passes by the lights come on. It sure makes it easy to keep track of the creatures using our yard as a freeway.

These animals don’t seem to do anything in our backyard. They don’t get into our garbage containers or dig up the garden. Well, occasionally I’ll find little holes in the lawn- probably looking for earthworms, but that’s about all the damage I’ve ever found. Instead they use our yard like some kind of shortcut. The cats like to explore our patio. If I knock on the window when one is out there, even if I can’t see it, it will show itself and look at me as if it’s saying “feed me” or “pet me”.

The first few of years that we were our house I never saw any stray cats, but just this last year I’ve probably seen 10 different cats. What’s up with that? Were they always around and I didn’t notice them, or has something changed about my yard that makes it more attractive to them?

3. I’ve also discovered that my easy going, mild mannered husband is really grumpy when he has to get up early in the morning. He’s never in a bad mood. I mean never. If someone could figure out a way to market whatever makes him tick and give it to the public this world would be filled with more happy people.

My husband works shift work, and this morning he had an early shift. He had to start work at 5:30 a.m., but he was going in for 5:00 a.m. to get an early start to his work. So he got up at 3:45 a.m. He says he didn’t sleep- not well anyway. I can verify that he did indeed sleep- remember, the snoring, I can hear it.

He was so grumpy! He’s normally a morning person, but hey, at 3:45 in the morning even a morning person might find that a tad too early. Being the good wife that I am I made him breakfast, coffee and packed him lunch, and then proceeded to NOT disturb him. Hopefully he’s in a better mood when he gets home.

Enough of my rambling. Do you think I should go to bed?

Busy on my Computer

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Wow! For a person that’s been home due to illness I sure have been busy.

I spent the day today cruising the internet for interesting sites and stories to write about, or to link to my sites. I also spent a bit of time at Bl0gClicker and Bl0gExplosion surfing fellow bloggers websites for fun of course but also to earn credits so that my two blogs will be shown in their rotation more often too.

While I was doing all of this surfing and clicking I also found the time to answer a bunch of email. I run 4 mailing lists and have one very large 10 year old website, plus another new website (that I’m slowly working on). My work on the Internet could be a full time job if I let it. Unfortunately I haven’t found a way to make an income out of it yet … but if I do, look out. 🙂

While I was busy on the net today I also found three blogs that one of my Internet friends has created. I know Melissa through our mutual interest in Herpetoculture – the keeping of reptiles and amphibians as pets. She’s always a step ahead of me it seems. She has several large websites, and now It looks like she started blogging last March. I only just started a few weeks ago! I’m behind. 🙂

I’ve added all three of Melissa’s blogs to my blogroll. You might be interested in visiting Lizards in Scarves – a knitting blog with a twist- she has pictures of her iguana’s with her knitted scarves on them. She also created another blog called Eggs in Hats. She seems to have come up with that blog when faced with the dilemma of her turtles laying infertile eggs yet again and feeling guilty over her pets wasted energy. The site is quite amusing. Check it out.

Her first blog seems to have started out like this one- a blog to write out thoughts that just don’t fit on the websites we already run. Melissa’s Miscellani blog is quite interesting to read.

I guess I didn’t do enough today because something compelled me to update my huge website a couple of hours ago! It took me three hours to finish what I was doing … and now I need to go to bed. Ya think? It’s 4:46 am. Yawn.

The one thing that I didn’t do today that I wanted to do was get over to a forum called HerpCenter that I moderate on. Well I haven’t been there for quite a while due to my illness. But since I’ve been busier behind the scenes lately it’s time I get my butt over there and start answering some questions and helping others. I feel bad that I haven’t been there in quite a long time, but as I explained to the owner of the site, when I answer posts my answers are very personal and when I’m not feeling all that well it’s hard to put your all into helping another person. When my abdomen is aching- if I’m able to sit up, I’d rather be fooling around with code and graphics and updating my site it seems. That’s what always happens anyways.

Maybe I need a laptop computer? Do you think I could type on it while lying down? 🙂

Ok … enough rambling. I’ve got to get me to bed!

Cool new site

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Earlier today I received and email asking me if I would join a small group of people and Beta test a new website.


I was skeptical about the email at first but it did come from a respected website, and the author was a name that I had seen on various other sites before. So after some thought, I figured “what the heck, I have some free time, why not find out what this is about”.

So I replied to the email and was invited to chat with the owner of the new website – iBegin.com via IM. Then I checked out the new site. I have to say that I like the look and feel of the site.

Unfortunately I can’t say much yet about what this website is about. It’s still in Beta testing but I believe it will be open to the public very shortly. What I will say though is that the new site is for a very specific community of users who will be able to use the valuable information available on the site, comment on the current information as well as add new information to the site.

Sound interesting? Stay tuned- when the site officially opens I’ll tell you more about it. 🙂

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