In life we all face disappointments with or in people and can feel resentment. Keeping these feelings bottled up inside ends up hurting you in the long run. Letting go can lead to a much happier existence.
Try these six ways to help you get started on living a resentment-free life:
Don’t be afraid to vent. Venting can be therapeutic. Write down all you grievances and issues. Blame, cry, judge and allow yourself to feel like the victim and treated unfairly. Although this sounds counter-productive, acknowledging something that can be changed and releasing what we can not is the key.
Fill yourself up with love.
A representation of love and joy in everything you do will make you see that resentment is no longer necessary. It is hard to hold a grudge when you are feeling good. An ultimate outcome should be inner bliss.
Understand where the other person is coming from. Changing your perspective can help you to understand the person who has hurt you. Not to show who is wrong or right, but this will allow you to see how different people deal with life. This does not mean that you have to tolerate disrespectful behaviour but will help you to realize that not everyone comes from the same frame of reference.
Don’t take things personally. Insecurity can make you perceive other behaviour as a personal attack against you. In reality, it may have more to do with someone else’s personal issues. If you have received the brunt of someone’s hurtful behaviour, take a look at the vibe you are presenting.
Are you allowing others to take advantage or walk all over you? Self-empowerment can help raise self-esteem and eliminate self-deprecating behaviour. However, do not only look at how you are being treated, remember to evaluate how you are treating others and if your behaviour has warranted a negative response.
Express yourself. Presenting your point of view and feelings in a diplomatic and non-accusatory way allows others the opportunity to learn and grow. This also allows you to express yourself without building resentment. Detach yourself from their reaction, because with too many expectations on their response, resentment will be able to seep its way in. In giving others a chance to take ownership in their role and actions of the problem, you are not doing this for validation or approval.
Set healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries for yourself will prevent future resentment. Having these guidelines in place will encourage you to act with integrity and from choice, not chore. If you don’t want to do something it’s better that you don’t do it because if you do it begrudgingly you will surly meet the resentment feelings at a later date and relive them all over again. Know that it’s ultimately your choice to do something or not.
No one can actually “make” you do anything. So if you make the choice, accept the consequences or make another choice. When it comes to setting boundaries, be honest about where they are coming from to make sure they are protective of your energy rather than tools you use for avoidance. For example, instead of setting a boundary that rejects everyone for fear of being hurt, set a boundary that allows you to take your time getting to know someone.
Learn to set healthy boundaries and uphold them and resentment will be a thing of the past.
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Serge, the author has found that reading about emotional intelligence his helped him run his gift idea business of uncommon goods.