Sofie

Neighbour, second mother, grandmother, Stalker?

Sofie is my elderly neighbor. I think she’s been telling us she’s 84 for about four years. Her husband passed away 4 days before we moved in to our house. She has three children, but doesn’t want to live with them … she wants to remain in her home and likely pass away there.

Nothing wrong with that. But she’s lonely, and perhaps a more than a little bit depressed. She’s been very upset since her husband passed away, her nerves are bad, she doesn’t sleep well, and the way she talks to us - I think she hopes to join her husband soon.

She’s very sweet. She’s Macedonian and while she says she doesn’t speak English well we seem to understand her just fine. I think I’m actually picking up the Greek and Macedonian languages since I’m sure there are times I’ve caught her speaking to me in Macedonian and I’ve understood her perfectly.

Sofie has been in love with us since the day we moved in to the neighborhood. The second day that we owned our house- while we pulled out carpet, knocked down walls and hung up ceiling fans, in the midst of a heat wave- she brought us tea, milk and cookies as a snack. Very nice, very sweet of her … but it was much too hot for tea.

During our first year her family was over visiting all the time, cutting the lawn, shovelling the drive, getting groceries for their mother. However as the years have passed, we’ve come to take over a great part of that role. It’s not that her family doesn’t visit often- they do- but since the lawn is always cut (at her insistence, just prior to one of their visits) they don’t have to do much to help her out.

Sofie always says- I love you like a daughter, and to my husband I love you like a son, and I guess we love her too. As I said - she’s sweet, but she sure knows how to get us to do things for her.

In the summer of our first year at the house we concentrated on doing some renovations on the inside … but over the long winter I planned a beautiful garden for our backyard, and come April of 2002 we started measuring, and mapping out where our stones, raised beds, and patio were going to go.

Our garden is now full of flowers- 60 roses, 100’s of perennials, and each year at least 100 annuals. Sofie has a garden too- but it’s earth for a least 6 months of the year, and then she plants peppers and Tomato’s in June.

I start planting my seeds and new perennials in April … she’s out digging in her earth. Every time I step outside, she comes out too … she’ll water if I’m watering. It doesn’t matter if her garden is just soil. She’ll dig if I’m digging. If I’m pruning she gets her scissors out and cuts her grass by hand. LOL

If it’s a work day for me, she’s outside on her front porch to wave good-bye to me. It doesn’t matter if it’s -20 C, or 37 C she’s out there.

If my husband and I are going somewhere and taking the car, she’s outside saying hello and “don’t forget me”.

If I’m sitting in my home- as I am now - typing at the computer, near a window. She’s occasionally watching me in the window.

I love this dear lady and I’ll do anything to help her, but I’m starting to feel stalked. She’s very focused on me, my husband not so much.

I’m starting to feel as if this is a reality show and I’m the star. I definitely wouldn’t make a good celebrity. I like my privacy too much.

It’s gotten to the point that in the summer when I’m watering the garden (larger garden that needs watering daily or at least every second day) I’ve taken to waiting until after dark to go out and water. Sometimes she still sits and watches me, but half the time she goes back inside after I’ve been busy for a while. Unfortunately watering after the sun sets isn’t supposed to be that great for the garden … and worse … that’s when the racoons and skunks and neighborhood stray cats come out. So while I might not have my neighbor watching my every move … I still have creepy sounds, racoon visitors etc contend with.

Sofie and Chris play guitar in the backyard.
What do I do?
Tricia, The Stalked!